Day Ten

Back down to 210 lbs. this morning. Stop toying with my emotions, scale!

Breakfast, 7:30am
1 cup honey nut cheerios
1 cup 1% milk

Lunch, 12:00pm
1/2 serving of pesto pasta dish from Panera

Snack, 2:30pm
Apple

Dinner, 7:00pm
Cooked corn, did not measure but probably 1/2 cup
Plain noodles, did not measure but probably 1 1/2 cups
Chicken in some sort of brown red wine sauce, with mushrooms (Mom made it), did not measure
Cooked Brussels sprouts, about 5

THERE IS ICE CREAM IN THE FREEZER AND I WANT IT.

But, instead, I'm writing this. Oh man, though…I want that ice cream BAD.

I also nearly had a moment of crisis today after work. I was super hungry and, for whatever reason, was craving Chick-Fil-A fries. I literally had to talk myself out of stopping at the drive thru from the moment I left the library until after I passed by Chick-Fil-A. Once I passed it I was fine, but it took every bit of willpower for me to refuse to stop.

The same thing is sort of happening right now. Everything in me wants to raid the fridge and cabinets, but I'm writing this to keep me from doing that.

My FitBit today was 2,186 but I feel like that's probably not accurate. I wore it on my bra instead of in my pocket and I walked around the branch a bunch today and walked around the kitchen table for a half hour when I got home. Whatever, I know the steps I took!

Day Nine

Weighed in at home today. 211. Boo to that!

Breakfast, 9:00am
Egg and cheese biscuit from Royal Farms…not my finest moment

Lunch, 3:00pm
Luna peanut butter and chocolate protein bar

Dinner, 6:30pm
Sweet potato soup (with chicken broth, onions, shallots, and garlic)
Green beans
Brussels sprouts
(Anita made all of this and it was delicious! The brussels sprouts are currently giving me a wicked tummy ache but man is it worth it.)

Not a terrible day, but not great either. Did not eat past 7:00pm again. Progress!

FitBit was 3,100 steps. Pathetic.

Day Eight

Weighed in at home at 210 today. I'm still unsure of the accuracy of my scale, but I think that's evidence of at least some downward movement, so I'm happy about that. I really need to go to the grocery store and you'll see why by what I ate today.

Breakfast - 8:30am
Luna peanut butter and chocolate protein bar

Lunch - 12:00pm
2 vending machine style packs of Cheez-Its

Dinner - 6:00pm
2 cinnamon raisin bagels w/ margarine (did not measure)
Multi-grain Club crackers, did not count, but maybe about 10?
2 babybel cheese, regular
2 babybel cheese, light
1 thin lemon cookie

I really could've/wanted to eat more, but I forced myself to stop so that I wasn't eating after 7:00pm. I actually felt really sick from the cheese, which confirms my suspicions that I'm probably lactose intolerant. Went to bed early, around 10pm, after walking around the kitchen for an hour while reading "The Talented Mr. Ripley." Slept super well through the night.

FitBit clocked in around 6,500 steps.

Day Seven

Well, it's almost been a week. One of the longest of my life, that's for sure. I was a lazy lump today and sat on the couch watching TV and reading for most of the day. Didn't even bother to wear my FitBit.

Morning - 10:30am
1 egg and cheese biscuit from McDonald's (my dad went to go get these for my mother and I)
1 large decaf coffee

Lunch - 3:00pm
1 cup of cottage cheese (240 calories)
2 tbsp of deluxe French dressing (120 calories)
Multi-grain club crackers, did not count how many
Crazy Richard's natural peanut butter, did not measure

No dinner

I know my tone on this blog has been depressing, but that's how I've been feeling lately. Just unbelievably low and gross, appearance-wise. I'm at the point where I'm sort of embarrassed to be in public and actually dread going to work because people will see me there. Everything I wear looks terrible, my face seems fatter than ever, and I just want to stay in my room and not eat for a month and come out looking somewhat acceptable.

I know, I know. Pity party for one, please! But that's how I'm feeling. I hope Monday starts the week better than Sunday ended it.

Day Six

The day was mixed with real efforts to restrain myself, mixed with the attitude of "aww, fuck it."

Breakfast - 10:00am
4 slices of white bread
Margarine (did not measure)

Lunch - 4:00pm
Ham and Gruyere Crepe, ate 4/5ths of it
1/2 a slice of peach/strawberry cake

Dinner - 12:00am
2 slices of Arnold's multi-grain bread
Crazy Richard's natural peanut butter, did not measure
Smuckers blackberry jam, did not measure

Really trying to stay away from dessert, but other than that I think the day was ok. I realize that my diet is SUPER carb-heavy, so I know I need to work on staying away from that.

My FitBit clocked in at 5,188 steps which I'm a little ticked about because I walked around Carlisle for most of the day.

Day Five

Started out strong, then lost it all after work. I'm beginning to see a pattern.

Breakfast - 8:00am
2 slices of white bread
Margarine, did not measure
Smuckers blackberry jam, did not measure

Lunch - 12:00pm
Salad from salad bar at Safeway. Included spinach, romaine, baby carrots, cherry tomatoes, mushrooms, cucumbers, and croutons, did not measure any of it out.
Honey Mustard dressing, did not measure

Dinner - 6:00pm
1 Burger King whopper
1 small order of fries from Burger King
1 Hershey Sundae Pie from Burger King
1 small Sprite from Burger King

Snack - 10:30pm
1 glass of Sunkist soda

As disappointed with myself as I am with what I like to call the "Burger King Incident" of today, I truly think journaling this stuff is actually helping. All afternoon, all I could think about was what I was going to eat for dinner and I really wanted to get a giant order of nachos like I had earlier in the week. I knew that would be a bad choice, so then I thought just about making myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for dinner but the idea of doing that on a Friday night was a little sad to me. So, then I rationalized the salad I had for lunch and the fact that it IS Friday night and I should treat myself (there I go again). So, I made a bad choice but this time it wasn't as mindless as it might have been this time last week. Progress?

Journaling is also helping stave me off of eating at this time of night, like I mentioned in a previous post. I super duper want to go raid the fridge right now, but am settling for reviewing my other food choices from the rest of the day.

The next step, after getting off of these meds (just a few more days!) is to make get that blood work done and make some sort of official plan for myself. I just want to get to the point where I've lost a tiny bit and have seen some downward movement in the lbs department. I would hope that would motivate me to keep going.

FitBit for the day: 8,177. Meh.

Day Four

Bad day, food wise.

I weighed myself on my own scale and I was 214 (it's a scale from the '50s, so it doesn't appear to be exact). So, that's pretty on par with what's been going on at the doctors' offices.

Morning - 8:15am
Two pieces of white bread
Margarine, did not measure

Lunch - 12:00pm
1 large glass of grapefruit juice
1 cup of black decaf coffee
4 sausage links
2 buttermilk biscuits with butter
2 scrambled eggs
hash browns (all courtesy of IHOP and a gift card thereto)

Snack - 4:00pm
1 Three Musketeers candy bar (I haven't eaten an actual whole candy bar in forever, so I'm not sure what evil desire made me actually consume this, but it hit the spot. Not gonna lie.)

Dinner - 9:30pm (I worked 1-9 tonight)
4 pieces of white bread
Margarine, did not measure

I managed to go the whole day without eating a single vegetable. In fact, looking at the last few days, there are almost zero vegetables that have actually entered my system. Hmmmmm.

I did clock a lot of steps on my FitBit today, though. 9,688. So close to 10,000 but no cigar.

I foresee some grocery shopping in the produce aisle this weekend.